Youth Ministry: If I were to do it again…
I was a youth pastor for 13 years. Today, I am active in youth ministry as a volunteer at The Church of the Resurrection near my home in Kansas City but most of my contribution to youth ministry these days is through training, writing, speaking and consulting.
Recently, I was sharing some thoughts regarding the future of youth ministry with a group of local lead and executive pastors. I was asked, “If you were to go back and do youth ministry again, as you once did, how would what you know now change how you would lead a youth ministry?” I had a few items off the top of my head (some are listed below) but I pointed them all to this post for a more robust list of things I might do differently. So, if I were to go back and lead a youth ministry again I would...
- Act theologically before methodologically
- Be more of a spiritual director than a program director
- Hire a parent to be a part of our youth staff
- Spend more time investing in interns/co-pastors
- Experiment with more learner-centered education models
- Ask less of my volunteers and yet equip them more
- Communicate change to the church leaders, staff and parents more
- Create more opportunities for students to “learn up” instead of me “teaching down”
- Celebrate the successes in the lives of students with greater regularity and intensity
- Worry less about the retreat themes and spend more time with the students on the retreats.
- Take students on way more spiritual retreats
- Work hard to be more collaborative with the youth workers in my city
- Take more time off to be with my wife and kids
- Be more intentional with a confirmation process
- Find time to laugh and play more
- Be more grace-filled with students who were goofing off and causing trouble
- Try to learn more from the staff instead of thinking I have all the answers
- Take the criticism of others more seriously and less defensively
- Meet with my spiritual director more often
- Take personal retreats more often
- Be way more missional and a lot less attractional in my approach or model
- Try and get more pulpit time to advocate for the students in the church and community
- Pray more and develop a team of people to pray with
- Provide inspiring training for the parent of the students
- Call the students to greater levels of holiness
- Spend a lot more time creating opportunities for students to practice justice
- Allow the more artistic students opportunities to express themselves and their love for God.
- Teach much more conversationally
- Try to enter into the joy, pain, loss, doubt, hurt, etc. of the students and their families
If I spend some more time thinking I am sure I could come up with a list of a whole lot more things I would do differently. If you are a youth pastor/worker, what are some things you have learned to do differently from when you began until now? If you are a former youth pastor/worker, what are some things that you would do differently?
Youth Ministry & the Departing Youth Worker
I don’t think I am an alarmist. The word ‘departing’ in the title of this post may appear that I am but to me, the word ‘vanishing’ was to excessive. Another word that came to mind was ‘deserting’ and that just didn’t seem fair.
At any rate, today I got news via a friend’s email that a mutual friend of ours was departing youth ministry to plant a church in NYC. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about the news as change in our lives is inevitable and youth ministers are departing their roles as spiritual guides to emerging adults everyday. However, this bit of news came in a long line of reports and personal conversations with youth workers who are leaving their vocation.
I’m curious… does anyone else see a greater number of youth ministers than what feels ordinary leaving their role in exchange for something other that youth work? To me, it sure feels like there are more youth ministers leaving than what is usual. Perhaps this phenomenon is only occurring in the view through my little window of youth ministry.
NOTE: I realize that there has always been a fair amount of transition among youth workers. However, most of that transition has been from one church or ministry to another not a transition away from youth work altogether.
I have some thoughts as to why we might be seeing more youth ministers leaving their roles of serving youth and their families. I’m hoping you can help me fill out this list.
Here are a few of my thoughts:
1. Theology- it appears to me that today’s youth minister has a very different theological framework for approaching ministry than their supervising ministers and church boards. This results in youth ministers looking to other ministry opportunities and other environments in which to express their divergent theological convictions.
2. Methodology – I have found that in the conversations I am having with departing youth workers one of the main issues contributing to the exit strategies has to do with churches operating with an attractional model of ministry when many youth ministers are resonating more with a missional model. After a while it just becomes like two ships passing in the night and this leads to transition.
3. Leadership – I have also found that many youth workers feel as though they are ready for greater leadership challenges and influence and their supervising ministers are either not in agreement or completely unwilling to step aside to give the youth worker a greater amount of influence. I’m not saying the youth workers are ready for more or not, but one thing that is sure is that youth workers think they deserve more and unquestionably want more.
4. Expectations – There are a growing number of expectations being placed on the youth worker by others (church leadership, parents, students, peers, etc.) and this causes a working environment that is inescapably overwhelming. I’m not quite sure exactly what is causing the growing expectations but I have a hunch it has to do with the absolute disorientation most people feel as it relates to the most effective ways to make disciples of today’s youth.
5. Calling – Sometimes God calls people to new vocations. I get that. I believe a fair number of the departing youth workers I have talked with are really being led to do something else.
6. Schedule – Youth workers work their butt off and often without a healthy balance. Some youth workers are just tired and the grass on the other side looks a whole lot more green, and often it can be.
Are sensing a growing number of youth workers departing for things other than youth? What are your thoughts on why that might be the case? Do you have any solutions to offer us?
Working as a Team
Below is a recent email I received. Maybe some of you can help out Richard with your years of experience and expertise. I've given him some of my quick and brief thoughts below.
Hi Chris,
I know you do consulting with YS. Can you help me out? I'm in my first year of youth ministry and I'm wondering if you can help me know some of the important factors involved in working with teams. I am working with a great team of volunteers who are mostly much older than me. I have never really been on or led a team before. I'm relational but not really good at leading my team mtgs. Can you help me know what kinds of things I should be thinking of?
Thanks,
Richard (White Plains, NY)
Here are a few really key points of thought/discussion regarding how healty teams interact. I hope they are helpful...
- Care for one another -- Of course, without concern for another, you are selfish. Selfishness has no place on any team. Effective teams are selfless and live out a genuine concern or one another.
- Open, honest and truthful -- Effective teams are open to new ideas, honest about their feelings and truthful in how they communicate those feelings. To be an effective team you must be willing to share your ideas and feelings.
- Trusting -- Team members trust each other. That is to say that team members think the best of one another and rely unconditionally on their cohorts for the overall success and effectiveness of the team.
- Opportunity for consensus -- Not all decisions can be led by consensus. However, effective teams at least allow for the opportunity of consensus when making small or big decisions.
- Commitment -- The reason why teams can work together in a trusting way is because each team member put forth a unswerving commitment to the task(s) at hand. Ineffective teams have members of those teams who partially commit or only commit when it is convenient for that particular person.
- Peacemakers -- Effective teams make sure that they are operating as peacemakers. Occasionally there will be a conflict to manage. Effective teams work together to find ways to make peace arise from disagreement and discord.
- Listening -- You cannot be an effective team if you are not willing to genuinely listen to one another. This does not simply mean giving everyone a chance to talk. It involves that for sure, however, it also involves making a conscience effort to genuinely hear from one another.
- Expressive -Good teams become great teams when the members of those teams are able to express their feelings. Sometimes those feelings will be things like doubt, fear, uncertainty, celebration, joy, anger, etc. We are all human. We are going to have feelings and great teams allow for its team members to express how they are feeling in healthy and appropriate ways.
Any of you want to contribute other helpful points of thought/discussion?
[SLAP!!] Thanks, I needed that!
"One axiom of leadership I have come to appreciate reads, 'leaders do not inflict pain, they bear it'. In the same manner, leaders do not absorb praise, they re-direct it. The success of any Christian leader lies significantly in their ability to keep this two-fold movement of leadership in balance. Leaders who inflict pain lose trust and dishearten their people. Leaders who absorb praise produce resentment and sacrifice motivation."
A quote from, "Becoming a Leader of No Reputation" by R. Scott Rodin, Journal of Religious Leadership/ Vol. 1, No 2 (Fall 2002), pp. 105-119
Download article here: http://www.vocf.net/uploaded_project/Becoming_a_Leader_of_No_Reputation.pdf
The Audacity of ‘Nope’
Sometimes we just need to say, "Nope. We're not doing it. Instead, were sticking to our vision!" [Of course, you can only say that when you know what your vision is.]
As leaders, we can't afford to latch on to every opportunity that comes our way or any that we manufacture. It is clearly unhealthy and ineffective for leaders to get caught up in the 'next best thing' malady. There are times, of course, when a new idea or thought can positively change the course of an entire organization. I have personally seen one great idea save an entire organization from distinction.
Leaders know that we can't chase every new idea or thought. It is obvious. It is one of the first things you come to realize as a leader. However, it isn't always so easy to say "nope". It takes a significant amount of confidence, trust, fearlessness and mettle to say "nope". Disciplining yourself and your organization to say "nope" to a new idea or thought that'll just lead you into a fairy tale takes audacity. Far too many of us chase the next best thing and can't find it in ourselves to say the simple four letter word -- nope. We're not ballsy enough to just stick to what we are about. [–adjective, balls·i·er, balls·i·est. Slang: Usually Vulgar. boldly aggressive or courageous: a ballsy gal who isn't afraid of anyone.] Granted, I have seen my fair share of leaders who won't risk anything too. I know there is a balance.
The intentional decision not to chase after some new thought or idea can label us as conservative or guarded or even worse yet, traditional and safe. What self-respecting leader wants to be labeled as the traditional one or the safe one? As a result, we gallop all the while closer to the organization killer we commonly know as an unclear, unattended to and unguarded vision.
Most often we chase with a complete disregard for the health of the organization and put our self-centered desires and preferences ahead of our team and mission. It is hard to say nope -- especially for those of us that lead organizations that thrive on innovation, creativity and the thrill of the adventure or the completion of a seemingly unconquerable project.
Here are three things we can forget on our way to elevating the sum of the audacity in our leadership.
1. Forget about the label. Who cares how we are viewed? Wouldn't we rather be labeled as able, smart and productive leaders anyway?
2. Forget about yourself. There is nothing more disheartening than to work for a person who is more concerned about his or her status or how they are recognized by their peers than they are about the overall health of the organization. Is that you? Is that me? I confess it has been me at various points in my leadership past...
3. Forget about the thrill of the chase. Don't be the one who risks the life of the organization because your bored and something new might arouse neglected passion. That is just stupid. If you are bored with your organizations vision then fine, lead change but don't just chase your tail -- it'll end up driving your team bonkers. Furthermore, if you are bored, maybe it is time to move on to something else and give up the reigns to someone else.
