For a few months now someone has been emailing me a link to this review of my book: http://youthesource.com/Index.asp?PageID=7082&Function=View&ArticleID=1305 — Almost every week I get an email — sometimes a couple of times a week. It is wicked annoying.

I am not sure who is sending it or why they feel like it is important that I be reminded of it. Whoever it is — they are a wuss for not responding to my replies and for not being willing to have a conversation.

I am a bit pizzled (I borrowed that word from Daniel Goleman: Why aren’t we all Good Samaritans? a short lecture at www.ted.com. Pizzled is the feeling you get when someone whips out their Blackberry aka crackberry or cell phone and begins having a conversation with someone. It’s a cross between pissed off and puzzled. Urban Dictionary) about it really. I am not at all pizzled about the review. Some youth workers like my book, some don’t. Some youth workers find it helpful, some don’t. I am okay with that. That is the way that it is for most books people write, movies that are produced, music that is written, building that are designed, etc. Everyone has preferences and whatnot.

If you read the review I linked to above you’ll see the reviewer hated my book — but at least it made her think. In the end, for me, that is what it is about. Who cares where you land. Did it make you think? That is what is important.

Courtesy of Mark Matlocks www.wisdomgarb.com!

So, don’t be a hater. If you have something to say — I am listening. But stop hiding behind your generic @hotmail account.

I was at a coffee shop today waiting for my friend Frank to join me for a long overdue conversation. I was a bit early so I opened Scot McKnight’s latest book (I think it is his latest — it is hard to keep up with him) called, “A Community Called Atonement” and began where I left off a few days ago.

Before long I found myself weeping. I cry a lot at movies (you should have seen me, Mike King and Eric Venable crying a while back over a movie with Adam Sandler — Reign Over Me — I think it was called) and it doesn’t take much for me to cry at home with my family either. Today, as a matter of fact, my son Drew and I went out to run an errand and for a stopover at one of his favorite playgrounds. When we got home he said, “Daddy, this is the best day ever.” My nose is still a little drippy. I can usually keep it together over a theology book though…

Today, the words from “A Community Called Atonement” pierced through my thick false self and found its way right into my tender zone. I love McKnight’s works for a bunch of reasons. I find his writing to be bold, constructive, precise, rooted, absorbing, determined and incredibly teachable. Some of my friends find his writing to be mechanical and choppy — they are freaking crazy. The biggest reason I might love his writing, however, is there is usually a few dozen pages in each of his works that God uses to mold me a bit more into who he wants me to be… today was one of those days.

Anyway, here is what I read…

“Here is a statement by Jesus that few can contest (referring to Matthew 6:14-15). Jesus connects our forgiveness from God and our forgiveness of others — and they are so connected that if we don’t forgive others, God won’t forgive us. However one wants to clarify this text, and it begs for some clarification, the connection of God’s work and our work is unavoidable. The atoning God creates a community of atonement.” (pg. 29)

He goes on to say…

“To be forgiven, to be atoned for, to be reconciled — synonymous expressions — is to be granted a mission to become a reciprocal performer of the same: to forgive, to work atonement, and to be an agent of reconciliation. Thus, atonement is not just something done to us and for us, it is something we participate in — in this world, in the here and now. It is not just something done, but something that is being done and something we do as we join God in the missio Dei.”
(pg. 30-31)

Thank you Scot. Your words deeply connected my heart with God’s intended will and way for my life!

I was tagged by my good friend Doug Jones nearly a week ago. Sorry I am just now getting to it…

As with most tags, here are the rules:

1. Apologize for three things that Christians have often got wrong. Your apologies should be directed towards those who don’t view themselves as part of the Christian community. Alternatively, apologize for things you personally have done wrong towards those outside of the church.
2. Post a comment at the originating post so others can keep track of the apologies.
3. Tag five people to participate in the meme.
4. If desired, send an email with the link to your blog post at the Christians Confess site, giving permission for your apologies to be added to the website.

Confessions:

First, I confess that I have not revealed through my own actions, words and deeds the accessible life and message of Jesus as well as I could have and should have. I have not always been the image of God nor have I always attentively joined in his kingdom activity where I could have and should have. For the many omissions, I am sorry.

Second, I confess that I have far too often let the frown on my face override the smile. I have let negativity, skepticism and cynicism guide my behavior and reactions rather than the hope, trust and faith that comes with being a believer in Jesus. I sincerely apologize for this disgruntlement. How would anyone be able to see Jesus in me if I am only displaying the me in me?

Finally, I confess that my prayers to God have been more about me and my needs and selfish desires than for the injustice, poverty, genocide, corruption, racism, war, etc. that besiege many everyday. I am sorry that I have not been more aware, concerned and benevolent.

My friend Doug Jones over at Perigrinatio has got me thinking about how I evaluate myself and the efforts of others. In my soul searching I have discovered that I am way too opinionated about things that are really nothing more than preferences or another, different way. I have always been an evaluator. Good or bad, for as long as I can remember I have looked at events, books, ideas, movies, sports teams, etc. through a critical lens. I am not sure why that is…it is sort of just in me.

In my role as director of Sonlife I have had to be about evaluation, critical thinking and constant assessment of our training, products and events for their impact and effectiveness. I have to be conscience of and practice healthy business fundamentals like supply and demand, financial sustainability, cost to benefit analysis, budget projections, staff productivity, etc. I am learning a bit as I go. Thank God I have a team and a board of directors to help me. I have no formal business training and I am a youth pastor as heart so I admit I have some major growth areas. However, when it comes to the efforts of others I am far to concerned with my opinion, what I would do different or what I could do to make something better. This is a problem for me.

We all need to be evaluated and sharpened in our leadership and methods and the truth is there is always room for improvement. I am not against helping myself or others move to the next level, but why do I seem to think that everything that I do is better than what everyone else is doing…?

Now, convictions are all together a different issue. The things I am convicted about I do because of God’s leading and the Spirits prompting. I understand that when I evaluate someone else’s or even my own ministry efforts that I need to do so through the lens of what I hold to be an unshakable truth. Again, that is different. I know the difference between the two — opinion and conviction — and yet for whatever the reason I always seem to blend the two together and pretend that they are one.

Let me give you and example. We (Sonlife) just finished two straight weeks of Merge, an event designed to help students merge their life with God’s story, his intended way of life and his mission to restore the world. It is a good event. Nearly the whole week I was in opinion/evaluation mode. I was looking for things that I would do differently and then communicating those things to people around me. Now, some of them were simple and logistical and in many ways related to those healthy business practices I mentioned above. Others of them, however, were related more to the effectiveness of other people serving in certain roles compared to myself or the way a room was set up or the song selection or the images behind the lyrics on the screen. These are not things I am convicted about. These are things I have different ideas and preferences about. You see my personal conundrum?

I need to be more concerned with who God is calling me to be and what I believe he is ordering me to be convicted about. The jealousy, cynicism, skepticism, arrogance and the need to be better or right have got to go.

Do you struggle with this? Do you find yourself being carried away from your calling and mission by “better ideas” or “other ways”? We need to help each other grow away from this type of thinking.