[I've been posting once a week over at Scot McKnight's blog. You can read the post and join the conversation over there and read my previous posts HERE. Below is this weeks installment...]
Sometimes I wonder how I ever even made it as a youth minister through my emerging adulthood years (think: Dr. Jeffrey Arnett and his book, Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road From Late Teens Through The Twenties). The first position I held as a “solo” youth minister I was only 22 years old. Those years were largely a time that I would characterize my life’s experiences as experimental and transitory and my inner life as self-absorbed, unbalanced and stuck.
Disclaimer: I am not generalizing about a stage of life here; I am telling you who I was and at times, still am.
I took a call today from a youth minister in the Midwest who sounded a whole lot like I did when I was his age (25) and in my first few years of youth ministry; energetic, idealistic, optimistic, self-assured, and fearless. The conversation was frightening in the sense that it took me back to mistakes I had made over a decade ago, words I had spoken in absolute certainty that I wish I could take back and statements I made to myself like, “I can handle this” or “I don’t need any help”.
The difference between the youth minister I spoke to today and me at his age is this; he knows enough to long for and look for a mentor, I thought I could do it all on my own. The problem this minister is having is that he can’t find one–maybe he isn’t looking that hard or looking in the wrong places. I don’t think that is the issue however, as today’s conversation was one of a dozen or so I have had over the last year.
I certainly don’t have anything against a 25 year old being a youth minister and being called on to guide the spiritual formation of a dozen or sometimes ten dozen teenagers. Much of my life is spent training and equipping 25-year olds. What I do have a problem with, however, is what I perceive as the outright neglect of older more mature men and women to mentor the emerging adults.
Am I the only one who sees a huge gap between the expectations we place on the lives of emerging adults to lead our youth ministry’s and the mentoring those ministers are getting? Is it that youth ministers don’t want to be mentored? Is it that others (church boards, pastors, etc.) won’t take seriously the role of mentoring?
I had and currently have wonderful mentors in my life. I must say that the mentors who have taken their role with me seriously have undoubtedly changed and continue to change the way that I live, pray, work, play, etc. I continue to wonder if much of what concerns us about youth ministry today isn’t at the very least reduced by commitments to mentoring. What would youth ministry be like if the churches who hired emerging adults to lead their youth ministry’s were as passionate about mentoring the minister as they were about the minister mentoring the students?
Maybe I am trying to tackle an issue that really isn’t all that noticeable to anyone but me, that is possible. I’d love to hear from all of you on this, however, I’d especially love to hear from some of you who are youth ministers and would be classified as an emerging adult (late teens through the twenties). What do you think? Do you think a mentor might help you be a better youth minister? Do you already have a mentor? If so, is it working? Why or Why not? Are you looking for a mentor and can’t find one?
I have found this post true for me. In fact, it has been a topic of conversation for my wife and me. She has been blessed with a few women who have taken her under her wing, and she wants the same for me. I on the other hand have sought out numerous men I respected, both formally and informally, and have been disappointed each time.
After much thought, I feel there were two things that prevented the more senior pastors from mentoring me. 1) They didn’t feel they had time/didn’t make it a priority. 2) They felt I was competent enough to get the job done, and besides there are people who don’t know Jesus.
Thanks for this post Chris. It is nice to know I am not the only one that has struggled with wanting someone to speak into my life, yet not finding anyone.
I am 28 and in a leadership position in youth ministry. I have moved to the town where my denominations seminary is and was expecting that the churches in that area would be ready for mentoring a pastor in training. I was complete wrong about that.
Mentoring seems to be such a foreign concept to the faith communities that have accepted me. The typical response to a request for a mentor relationship has been a mix of mild enthusiasm and apprehension. The enthusiasm seems to come from a recognition that mentoring is an essential part of the Christian faith and that the person requesting mentoring has shown value in a leaders relationship and/or abilities. The apprehension comes from a lack of knowledge about “how to” mentor and examining the request in term of what will it cost in time and energy.
With all this said, I have found a mentor who was first a friend and now my pastor. Our mentor relationship is working because he treats me as peer even though he clearly has more knowledge and experience than I do. And our relationship consists of occasional meals, casual and intentional conversations about life and ministry, email and blogging. It probably requires about one or two hours out of our week along with being in the same faith community. So mentoring doesn’t require a lot of skill, time or energy. It just requires opening ones life up to another and to share the knowledge that you have about ministry.
So I think that you are on an essential issue that the church needs to overcome. We need to cultivate a culture of mentoring in our faith communities in order to pass on wisdom, give guidance through life transitions and to be able to raise up the next generation of leadership.
Do you think professional ministry hinders the cultivation of mentoring in the local church? Do you think that youth ministry suffers because the community pushes the responsibility of mentoring onto a lead pastor?
Chris,
Good post. I am 28 and do not really have a mentor. It seems that life experiences sometimes shatter our ability to gain (or even trust) a mentor. I am speaking in the wake of youth ministry comrads who are experiencing divorce, separation and broken hearts. When things like this happen you wonder who you can or cannot trust.
Another issue I see in my own experience is that of pride. Antithetical to Christ is the concept that we (because of experience, seminary training, etc.) think we can figure it all out or have already done so. We have a shelf of books in our libraries, a wall filled with degrees and a following that would rival any Dave Matthew’s Band concert (ok…last one is a bit of a stretch). But all these “things” really amount to nothing when life-experience is not put in the prayers of another saint.
I appreciate much of the St. Benedictine literature and practices where authentic community was essential to the group’s success. Accountability was maintained and discipline (all be it hilarious) was crucial. Perhaps we need to go “ancient” and learn from saints in the past to help us to cope with issues in the present.
Al lthat to say…I am in need of authentic mentoring.